


Burned Out from Exhaustion, Buried in the Hail

by GG_and_MM



Series: Shelter From the Storm 'Verse [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Barely any M/M, Elves, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Foursome, Jealous!Sam&Dean, M/M, Very Light Sastiel, ancient beings, dp, magick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 13:36:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GG_and_MM/pseuds/GG_and_MM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winchesters are your life, your family now. But when your life is threatened it takes them and a guardian angel to save you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say a quick thank you to anyone who read all, or part of this series. I'm still in awe that anyone would want to read something I wrote, so to those of you out there who read it, I really and truly hope that you enjoyed it. And I want to give a special shout out to Miss Moose (aka MM) -- without her none of this would have been possible. Her support, encouragement, and suggestions are what pushed me to keep going and see this through. Our texts and emails and her constantly telling me, "you should write a fic!" Is where this all began. It's not possible to put all my gratitude to her in this little paragraph, but I'll say it one more time, THANK YOU MISS MOOSE!
> 
> And now, as much as I love Sam, Dean and Cas, I'm off on a vacation with my one and only true love, Gabriel. Maybe I'll write a few things down as we travel the world ;)
> 
> Thanks again, all my love,
> 
> Gabriel's Girl (aka GG)

Note: There's a difference in this world between magic and magick. Magic is what a magician plays at, tricks and slight of hand, fooling the eyes. A deception. Magick is of the earth. The power of Mother Nature, to heal and create. It's strong and powerful, true and good. Beautiful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail_  
_Poisoned in the bushes an’ blown out on the trail_  
_Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn_  
_“Come in,” she said, “I’ll give you shelter from the storm”_  
\-- Bob Dylan

You're happy. You haven't felt like this in..... Well, you've never been this happy in a relationship, ever really. The fact that this relationship is with two brothers would bother some people; it should probably bother you, but it doesn't. It feels right. You feel complete. 

Every relationship you've had before this has left you feeling like a shell of yourself, like you've given yourself away. Even after two years with your last boyfriend you never even considered it when he asked you to move with him. He was going to be relocated for his work, and had begged you to go with him, but you weren't even tempted. You loved him; you didn't doubt that, but not enough. Not like you should, and it made you wonder what was wrong with you. Something had to be wrong with _you_. Right?

All that had changed now. Sam and Dean never made you feel that way. You never felt like they were taking and taking, like they were sucking away you, who you are. You gave them love and they took it, but they never asked for it. In return, they gave you so much more than you could have ever imagined -- time, attention, affection, understanding, space. 

You missed them when they were gone, you couldn't deny it. But you'd been on your own so long you felt like the time alone gave you a chance to center yourself again. Everything that should be wrong between the three of you, that would break normal people apart, seemed to only bring you closer. To knit you together, like a knotted, tattered twine. 

So, you were dancing around the house, dusting and singing, just hanging up the phone after a quick check-in from Sam, when the doorbell rang. You rarely had someone stop by, much less on a Friday evening. You peeked out the curtain and saw the Schwann's truck in the driveway. Not his usual day, but Dean had eaten almost all of those drumsticks he loves so much, so you open the door to tell them to give you a sec while you grab your purse. 

It's not your usual guy standing there. 

In fact, this guy is just wearing an old grey t-shirt and jeans with holes. _This is strange._ You partially shut the door and he puts his palm against it. 

"Can I help you?" You ask him. 

He's pushing on the door; you can feel him pushing it back toward you. _Something is wrong._

Gretchen rises up from her dog bed and growls. _Something is very wrong._

"I'm sorry; I'm very busy right now," you say quickly, pushing the door with everything you have. You have to get the door shut, you have to. He thrusts the door straight back into you and you stumble backward, he steps through the doorway and shuts the door behind him.

Oh God. This is bad. This is so bad. 

"What do you want? Can I help you?" You ask again. Your voice shakes, but you know you need to stay calm and try to figure out what's happening, what he's doing. 

He's glancing around, eyes bouncing around the room, darting from doorway to doorway. His head jerks around; he's clenching his hands and straightening his fingers, over and over.

"They're not here," he says and laughs. It's a high pitched, frantic sound. "They're not here!" 

Gretchen steps toward him, her teeth showing. He jerks his head towards her. "Shoo! Get back!" He kicks at her and she steps back, but barely. 

"I'm sorry, who's not here?" You're so panicked it's like your brain is buzzing. You want him to look away from the dog. He's disturbed. It's really obvious. 

He laughs again. It's horrible. "They're not HEEERE!" He yells. The sound startles the dog and she barks aggressively, stepping toward him again. He pulls a knife out of his back pocket. Some type of hunting knife, you think. It's not small; it could do some serious damage.

"No, Gretchen," you say. Very calm, keep your voice calm, stay calm. He looks at you. 

"I never know when they'll be here. I have to be careful. They come and they go, come and they go, you just never knowww..." His voice is sing-song. "…just never know, just never know." 

"Are you looking for someone, sir?"

His eyes are unsettling, dark brown. They don't focus anywhere for long and even when he looks right at you they still seem to bounce in their sockets. You're so terrified you can't think. _What's even happening? What should I do? What should I do?!_

"No, I'm looking for them _not_ to be here. If they're here then I can't be here. You're mine now. Don't you understand? You're mine. You can't have them here, I won't let you. Don't you know who I am?"

You're totally blank. He doesn't look familiar at all, you can't place him. _Do you tell him that?_ No, you decide quickly.

"Yes, of course I do!" You have to try to get him to make some sense, but anger flashes across his face. You're immediately mad. So mad you can't see straight. He might be crazy but you can't sympathize. You have to stay calm, you can't let your anger take over.

"Don't lie to me. Don't you dare LIE TO ME. DO YOU HEAR ME?!" He steps toward you and the dog barks again. "SHUT UP YOU FUCKING MUTT!" He claps his hands over his ears, the knife still sticking out of one fist. If you could get that knife you'd cut him to shreds. _No._ Calm, calm, calm, you keep telling yourself. 

"Gretchen! Shhh, come here sweetie." You pat your thigh and she trots to you, you step back several steps from him. "I'm sorry, she's quiet now, I'm sorry." 

His eyes squeeze shut like a child having a temper tantrum. He opens them slowly, peeking at you from one eye first. You realize that if you can keep moving backward, you can get to the bedroom and lock the door between you. The problem is, the couch is directly behind you. About two more steps and your legs will be against it. _How do you get around it without him knowing what you're doing?_

"Those men. You're with those men. Why would you do that? You shouldn't do that. I won't let you. I'm not going to let you. You won't. You _WON'T!_ " 

He's talking about Sam and Dean. How does he even know about them? What is going on? Who the hell is this guy?? Is he a demon? Something evil? 

"What are you?" You ask boldly. 

_Wrong question._

"WHAT am I?" He steps toward you again, you step back. "What do you mean, WHAT am I?! Huh? Well?" He takes another step, and it all happens so fast.

Gretchen lunges. She jumps forward and straight up. She's big enough to jump towards his upper body. He raises his arm, covering his face, and he brings up the hand with the knife, gouging into her belly. She yelps, barely biting his arm, and falls to the side as he shoves her body away from him. You move toward her, not thinking, or only thinking of her. 

"GRETCHEN! No!" 

He grabs your upper arm, knocking you off balance, and you try to wrench away toward the dog. 

"Fuck that dog!" His spit hits your cheeks. 

Your hands come up, clawing at his face; _You'll rip his eyes out_. You're terrified and pissed; you've never been in a rage like this. He brings the hand up with the knife again, it cuts into your arm, not deep but it stings. You don't care; you're screaming and trying to get at his face again. 

He shoves you, you lose your balance when your legs hit the couch and you slam backwards. It doesn't seem possible but somehow you hit the couch just right and it flips backwards, slamming your head and shoulder into the floor. Lights flash behind your eyelids and it takes a second to reorient yourself. He's coming around the other end of the couch from you, slowly, wiping blood off his cheek. You got his eyebrow and it's dripping down his face.

_Good. Fucking bastard._

Gretchen whines. Thank God, she's alive. 

You suddenly have a thought. Dean hid weapons around the house, why the hell hadn't you thought of that before now? The closest one is behind you, taped under a table. You try to raise up and scoot backward towards it, but pain shoots through your shoulder and you collapse.

"You're a whore. I should have known, you whore. What did I see in you before? I see it now, you're stained. Stained by those _men_ ," he says. He's stopped moving, he's just looking at you with disgust, contempt. 

"Then leave." Maybe you can still get out of this without any more damage. 

You have to push through this pain. You raise up a little and scoot back toward the table again, if you lay down you can almost reach it.

"No," he says. "I'm going to put you out of your misery. Wipe away the stain." His eyes are totally crazy, he's absolutely psychotic. 

He lunges and brings his booted foot around, connecting with your hip. Pain explodes and you yell. He does it again, slightly lower on your thigh this time and you scramble back. 

You shove back toward the table and reach your arm up. Being on the floor actually gives you an advantage. You can see exactly where the gun is strapped and you grab it, ripping it from under the table and swinging it straight at him. The safety is off and there's one in the chamber, Dean had told you that when he put it there. You point it directly at his head. 

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" 

He laughs. _He fucking laughs at you_ , not scared in the least. He throws his head back and cackles, then looks down at you, his eyes dancing like you just told the funniest joke he's ever heard. 

And that's it. You fire directly beside his head. You don't want to shoot him, _God, don't make me kill someone_. You choke out a strangled sob. Leave, just _leave_. 

The sound shakes him and his face is panicked. You fire again, straight past his head, drywall exploding behind him. His hands are on his ears and he's yelling, turning, stumbling toward the door. His foot must hit the dog again because she yelps. He fumbles with the doorknob, and then the door finally opens and he runs out. You hear his feet on the porch. 

You have to get the door locked. Your leg threatens to give out, but somehow your hip holds and you limp and lurch to the door, slamming and locking it. 

Gretchen whines behind you and you turn to her, she's barely holding on. 

"Oh God, sweetie." You hit your knees beside her, there's so much blood, a huge amount of blood, and she's just staring at the wall. You bury your hands in the shaggy black hair on her neck, "I'm here Gretch, I'm not going anywhere, he's gone sweetie, you were a good girl, yes you were, you were Mama's good girl," her tail lightly thumps the floor. 

You sob, _oh God don't let her die, please, please, I'm begging_ , you pray. 

You _pray_. 

"Castiel, if you can hear me I need your help!" You shout into the room. "Sam and Dean said if I needed you to just pray, to pray to you and you would come. I need you, Castiel, she's dying, please, please help me, please...." She's barely breathing, you're losing her. A minute passes. "Please, Castiel...." you whisper, but there's no answer. 

And then a man steps up beside you. You see the bottom of a trench coat and black shoes out of the corner of your eye. He squats down and reaches toward you but you lean away. He stops.

"I'm Castiel, you prayed to me," he says. "I can heal you." You look at him; you meet his intense blue eyes. 

"Save her, she's dying."

He looks at Gretchen and touches her muzzle, then places his hand over her belly. Light shines from his hand, bright whitish-blue light, and when he pulls his hand away the gash is gone. She raises her head and licks your hands, whining softly. Then you cry and cry. 

 

"Thank God, oh thank God, thank you, Castiel, thank you." You collapse back and pain is everywhere. In your head, your shoulder, your arm, your hip and leg, everything hurts. 

"I can help you, what happened here?" 

"I..... I don't even know..." 

He places two fingers on your temple and you feel a comforting warmth in your head, then you feel a little woozy. He pulls his hand back like he's been burned, glancing at his fingertips. He looks at your face; his brows knitted in question. 

"You're..... You're not human." 

_What did he say?_

"Whaaaa....?" 

And everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

You wake up a little while later in your bed, Gretchen is pressed against your back, your bloody clothes are gone and Castiel is standing in the door. You don't want to think about how you got your pajamas on. 

"How are you feeling?" he asks. 

"I'm tired. I just feel really tired." You can hardly keep your eyes open. 

"I was afraid of that." He steps into your bedroom. "I've called Sam and Dean. They're on their way but it'll be at least 18 hours before they're here."

"You didn't need to call them Castiel, I'm fine."

"Yes, I did. Call me Cas. My friends call me Cas." He sits down in the chair facing you. 

"Ok, thank you." You smile at him and he gives you a faint smile back, he looks worried. 

"Is everything ok, Cas? You said something before I passed out, I must have had a concussion. What were you talking about?" You yawn, man you're tired. 

"We'll talk about it later, just rest now. I'll stay with you until Sam and Dean get here." 

And you sleep. You wake occasionally to see Cas sitting in the chair, to roll over, to hear him letting the dog in or taking her out. 

He asks you if you're hungry, he brings you water and you drink, but you just want sleep. More sleep. You can't get enough. 

Sometime later, it feels like days have passed, or maybe just minutes, you hear Sam and Dean in the living room. The bedroom door is shut so the words are muffled, but you can make out a few.

"the hell is going on?" That was Dean.

"don't understand...." That was Sam. 

"happened here...." That was Cas. 

You sit up and stretch, there's no pain or soreness anywhere, which is amazing. Cas really can work miracles. Gretchen stretches and yawns. You never let her in your bed, she knows that. Silly dog. You ruffle her ears and stand up, walking out of the bedroom with her right on your heels. When you open the bedroom door all three men turn to look at you. 

"I'm sorry, we shouldn't have woken you," Cas says.

"No, it's fine! I'm fine, I've slept enough." 

You actually haven't, and Cas' squinty eyes tell you he knows it. In all honesty you feel like you ran a marathon, then swam a few hundred miles and then didn't sleep for three days. You're exhausted deep into your bones. Must be a side effect of the healing. 

"How are you guys?" Sam and Dean are just staring, like you've grown two heads. You run your hands through your hair, you must look horrible. 

Sam crosses the room in about five steps, wrapping you in a hug. 

"We're fine sweetie, how are you? Are you hurt? What happened?" He walks you to the couch and sits you down, the dog jumps up beside you.

"Gretchen, get down! You know you're not allowed on the couch!" Sam says. She completely ignores him, just lays her head on your lap. Sam looks surprised and moves to sit in a chair. 

"I don't really know what happened, guys. Some crazy guy shoved his way into the house and almost killed the dog, then I shot at him and he ran away. I wonder if he was a demon or something. I mean, I've never seen one, well, I don't think anyway. But he was acting nuts. Do demons act like that?" 

Sam and Dean look stunned, absolutely shocked. 

"I, wait, no, no, no. It couldn't have....." Dean looks at Cas, "…could it?" 

Cas shakes his head. "No, the wardings are in place, no demon could enter here. _I_ almost couldn't enter here. Very few angels could find that hole. This house is very well protected." 

"What are you talking about?" You say, it's your turn to look shocked. 

"We warded the house against everything we know how to keep out. Whoever this guy was, he wasn't a demon," Sam says. 

"Warded?" You've heard them use the word before but never got an explanation. 

"It's similar to the anti-possession tattoo we had you get, only it works on buildings and houses," Sam explains.

Dean sits down across from you. "Start from the beginning, tell us exactly what happened," 

So you tell them the whole story, every little detail you can think of, when you get to the part about praying for Cas you hear a rustling sound and he disappears. 

"Ok, that was odd." You say.

"Yeah, you get used to it." Dean answers. 

"No you don't." Sam responds. 

"But anyway, Cas healed Gretchen and then me, and then I passed out and I've basically been asleep ever since," you finish. Dean and Sam share a look, you see it. 

"What?" You're looking back and forth between them. 

"Nothing, I'm sure it's nothing." Sam says. 

"Can someone make some coffee? I'm exhausted." 

"Yeah, I got it." Dean gets up and walks to the kitchen. Sam throws a blanket over your legs on the couch and you snuggle in, closing your eyes. 

You wake up later to the smell of coffee and the sound of the three men talking, Cas is back. "I found him." Cas says. You sit up. 

"The guy that was here? You found him?" You ask.

"Yes. His mind is not right. It hasn't been for a long time." 

Sam hands you a cup of coffee.

"So why was he here? Why did he come here?" Sam asks. 

"He'd been stalking her for some time, he used to bag groceries at the grocery store she frequents. From what I can tell he became obsessed and finally snapped." Cas says. 

You think back, there were times in the last few weeks when you'd be walking the dog around the pond nearby and she would stop and growl, maybe he was around?

"So he was just crazy? It could have been anybody?" You ask. 

"Well...... No. I don't believe so. I think there's...... I think there's something about you that triggered this. His mind was cracked before, but I think you caused it to shatter." Cas thinks very hard on his next words. "I'm not saying this was your fault, but we all need to talk very seriously about some things now. Are you feeling up to it?" 

"Yes," you answer immediately. Sam and Dean look worried. 

"I said something to you before you passed out, do you remember what that was?" Cas asks. 

You think, everything is fuzzy after he touched your head, but you think you remember. "You said I'm not human?" 

"Yes." Cas is looking straight into your eyes, gauging your reaction. 

"What the hell?" Dean says. 

"Just wait Dean, don't jump to conclusions." Cas says. 

"How am I not human? I'm human, what else would I be?" You ask, maybe a little too much anger in your tone. 

"Well I should clarify, I believe you to be mostly human, but I think you might have something mixed into your ancestry. Something from another realm. I think this is why my healing has made you so tired."

"So..... So what, I'm like, two different species? How is that even possible? That's not possible." 

Dean looks angry. It makes you angry. Sam looks confused. 

"It's very possible. Humans are able to procreate with all sorts of different species, it's quite interesting actually. I know several people who do nothing but study this phenomenon. I'm going to do some research, but I need to ask you a few questions. Will you answer them?" Cas is being very polite, you shouldn't be rude but you can't help it. 

"What choice do I have?" 

_Why are you so mad?_

"You have a choice." He says. 

"Fine. Fire away." You snap at him.

"Tell me about your mother." He states, and those words sting. 

"Um. Well, she just passed away last year. We were very close, she was smart and funny and independent and...... What do you want to know exactly?" 

"I think you already told me," he says, "what about your father?" 

"I never knew my father, he died while my mom was pregnant with me." 

"How did he die?" 

"Well that's a morbid question," you say flatly. 

"I apologize, but I think it's relevant." Cas is totally focused on you, he's very calm, and it's like you're alone with him in the room. 

"My mom said he was killed by an old flame. The woman went crazy when she found out my mom was pregnant and shot my father in the chest." The correlation of this to your life hits you and you sit silent for a moment. 

Cas waits. "Have you had a stalker before?" He finally asks.

"What? No. Hell, no." You say.

"What about your father's parents?" 

"My grandfather and I were close, he died when I was 11. My Grandmother died when my father was a boy, but I don't know any details." 

"Do you know anything about her family? Where they were from?" He asks. 

"I don't know anything, not even her name." 

"Ok, I'll be back," he says, and he's gone. 

Sam and Dean are sitting quietly, stewing. You sit and think, trying to calm down. How can you be calm? He doesn't know anything, Cas is wrong. How could you be anything besides purely human? What the hell does he know?

Sam gets up and goes to his duffle bag, pulls out his laptop. 

"What's going to happen to the guy who attacked me?" The question is aimed at either brother. 

"Cas took care of it," Dean says. He's staring at the floor, his knee bouncing. 

"What does that mean?" You watch him. He stops moving and looks directly at you. 

"Do you really _care_?" He says, venom in his voice. 

Sam looks up, "Dean-"

"Well, did he kill him or something? Am I not allowed to ask anything about it? I mean it was ME he attacked," you fire back.

"You can ask whatever the hell you want, it doesn't mean I have to answer," Dean retorts. 

"Dean! Guys-" Sam tries to cut in again.

"What the hell is your problem? Do you have something you want to say to me, Dean?" You're sitting forward on the couch now, almost standing, your hand still on the dog. She's shaking. You pull your hand away. 

"I guess I'm just feeling a little deceived. I knew this was too good to be true." Dean stands up and you rise to meet him. 

"Excuse me? What did you just say? _You_ feel deceived? It's my fucking life we're talking about Dean, and I obviously don't have any idea what's going on. Why don't you explain to me how _you_ feel deceived? Huh?" How dare he, you're as angry now as you were when you were trying to claw the guys eyes out.  
"Yeah. So you say." He says it and the words hurt. He truly believes you knew about, well, about whatever it is that you don't know. You can't even think it through. 

"DEAN!" Sam yells, stepping in front of you. "Shut up, man!" 

"Get out of this house," you say from behind Sam. 

He steps aside and they both look at you. "You believe whatever you want, Dean. But if you're going to fling accusations at me, then you can leave this house and don't come back." He looks surprised, and then really, _really_ pissed.

"I need some air." He grabs his jacket off the hook and slams the door behind him. 

You collapse back on the couch, exhausted and hurt. Sam sits beside you and wraps you in his arms. "Let him cool off, he just needs to think. It'll be ok, don't worry," he says into your hair. He kisses the top of your head. You relax into him and you're asleep within seconds. 

You wake up later in your bed. Sam has brought in a card table to work on and he's looking back and forth between a pad of paper and his laptop. Gretchen is on the bed next to you, she won't leave your side. 

"Hey, watcha workin' on?" You ask, rubbing your eyes. 

"Hey, I'm just doing a little genealogy, how do you feel?" He comes to the bed and sits beside you. 

"I'm ok, I wouldn't have thought that being healed by an angel would take this long to recover from. Have you seen Dean?" You sit up, propping yourself with pillows. 

Sam looks worried. "No, I haven't heard from him. He's fine, he's just blowing off steam. He'll be back."

"How long has he been gone?" You try to run your hand through your hair but it's a tangled mess. 

Sam looks at his watch, "Uh, about 9 hours now." He looks at you, there's the worry again. 

"Have I been asleep for nine hours?! Oh my God, I must look awful. I need to shower and get cleaned up." You stretch, you're not sure you have the energy to shower. 

Sam leans up and kisses your cheek, "You look fine, just tired. Why don't you take a bath and I'll make you something to eat?"

You nod and he goes into the bathroom and starts the bath while you pull clothes out of the dresser. Gretchen tries to follow you into the bathroom, "What's up with her, Sam?" You ask as you slip into the water. 

"I think the stress of what happened just has her a little nervous, I'll take her in the kitchen with me." 

He starts to walk out, "Sam?" He turns back to you.

"I guess I just don't understand what happened with Dean. Why would he think I'm lying? Do you think I'm lying?" You can't hold back the tears sliding down you face.

Sam sits on his knees beside the tub. "No honey, no I don't think you're lying. I believe you, and so does Dean. He's just scared, and he doesn't deal with that well."

"Scared of what Sam? I don't believe Cas, I really don't, he's wrong, I'm human. But so what if I'm not? What does that change? Why doesn't Dean trust me?"

He kisses you then. Soft and gentle, just presses his lips to your mouth. "Nothing will change, but Dean has to figure that out for himself. He trusts you, he just doesn't know it yet. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's true. He'll come around."

He stands up and walks to the door, "Gretchen, come on girl," He calls and she walks out behind him. He shuts the door and you relax into the hot water, just soaking. 

After a while you wash up and dry off, brush your teeth, blow your hair dry a little. You slip some clothes on and walk out into the living room just as Sam carries out a plate with the best looking BLT you've ever seen. You haven't eaten in days it feels like, "Did you make that, Sam?" He's about as good in the kitchen as you are with a set of tools, and he knows it. He laughs and jerks his head toward the kitchen, "No, he did."

Dean leans around the corner and winks at you, then disappears again. Sam sits your plate on the table as Dean carries out two more. "We need to talk, but first you're going to eat something," Dean says. 

You want to collapse looking at Dean standing by the table. It's silly, you knew he was fine. But you didn't know if things _between_ you were fine, and it had shaken you. That wink spoke volumes, and you feel settled. 

You sit down to eat and Dean hands you a beer. "I can't drink that Dean, I'm sorry. I just know I'll fall asleep if I have alcohol, it makes me tired even when I'm not exhausted." 

"That's ok, I'll drink it." Sam says, he slides you his glass of tea. 

"So, I've been doing a little digging about your Dad and his family," Sam says. 

"What?" You're so surprised you don't know how to respond. 

"I'm sorry, should I not have done that?" Sam asks. 

"Oh no, no it's fine Sam, it really is. I've always wanted to do it myself and just haven't gotten around to it. Plus I always felt like it would bother my Mom, and I didn't want to hide something like that from her, I guess now that she's gone....." You trail off. 

"Why would it bother your Mom?" Dean asks, his tone is neutral, curious, he's trying to show you he's no longer mad. 

"She didn't talk about him much. When she did she always got so upset and cried. She loved him so much, she would say they didn't have enough time together, that their lives were stolen. It just made her sad, so I didn't want to do anything that brought that up for her. I always thought researching his family would dig it all up." You look at your plate, you've lost your appetite.

"Hey missy, you need to eat. You have to eat that sandwich, ok?" Dean looks as tired as you feel. You nod at him. 

"Ok, well that makes sense." Sam says. 

You pick up the sandwich and take a bite. The bread is toasted, the bacon is crisp, the lettuce and tomato are fresh, but it just tastes......bland. You swallow and take a drink of the tea, it barely tastes like tea. Sam and Dean are chowing down. 

Sam is talking about what he's found in your genealogy. "So from what I can see, every generation that I go back, your ancestors live longer and longer. I'm following your grandmother's side, your father's mother, her name was Mary. Her line goes back to Wales once you go back far enough." 

Dean cuts in, "When you say they live longer as you go _back_ , what you're really saying is that they die younger and younger the closer you get to the present."

"Well, yeah." Sam's face falls. 

You concentrate on chew, swallow, chew, swallow, drink. 

"What are they dying from? Is it hereditary?" You ask after a gulp of tea. 

"No, I don't think so. Your dad was shot so obviously that's out, his mother died of unknown causes, her health just started failing after he was born and she finally passed away. They never could figure it out. You said your grandfather never talked about her?"

"No, never. It was kind of like my Mom. I remember staying with him when I was little and seeing him sitting on the side of the bed looking at a picture of her, crying. I never asked; I knew not to ask. He wouldn't even speak her name." You force the last bite of the sandwich down.

Sam's phone rings. "It's Cas, I need to take this- Hey Cas, have you found anything out?"

There's a long pause and Dean starts cleaning up the plates and taking them into the kitchen.

"-yeah, I do. I think I know who you're talking about, let me get my notes from the bedroom."

Sam stands and walks away, you can hear what he says from the bedroom, "No Cas, she's not better, something's wrong."

Dean sits a glass of water in front of you, "Drink." He says. 

It's better than the tea because you don't expect any taste, water is supposed to be bland. Dean sits down beside you at the table. 

"We don't know what's going on but we'll figure it out." He knows you heard Sam.

"Dean, listen, I'm really sorry that I got so upset, I should never have told you to leave-"

He cuts you off, "Hey, no way, you listen to me ok? Stop talking and listen." You look at him and nod. 

"I was out of line, way out of line. I was mad-" 

"But--" you start to say but Dean holds his hand up. 

"No, don't interrupt me, I wasn't mad at you. I was mad that you were alone, that someone got in here and almost killed you, and we weren't here." He sighs. "I live my life every day waiting for the next thing, the next big bad, whatever, to show up, but it's not supposed to show up _here_. Not on your doorstep. Sam and I took every precaution against that." He lays his hand over yours on the table.

"You were right to tell me to leave. I needed to think, to cool off. I talked to Cas and he told me I'm an idiot, and he's right." He chuckles. "Next time this happens- no, there better not BE a next time, but if something like this happens again, pray to Cas sooner, ok? The minute you opened the door and knew something was wrong he should have been here. Sam and I can't jump across the country, but Cas can, he can protect you, and he will. He knows how much you mean to Sam and I. You got it?"

You smile at him and he smiles back, flashing those perfect teeth. 

"Ok, well I'm going to do the dishes and clean this place up a little," you say. "I should probably call work too. I didn't have anything pressing this week so I doubt they're missing me, but I need to let them know I won't be in for the next couple days I guess."

You stand and things seem to shift, like you're standing at an angle, you sway on your feet.

"Whoa whoa, I got ya, take it easy." Dean says as he picks you up. "I think you need to rest. At least you ate something I guess." He carries you to the bedroom. Sam is sitting at the table, still on the phone with Cas. "She needs to lay down, Sammy." 

Sam gathers his papers and laptop in his arms and stands, "You get some rest, okay sweetie?" he whispers and you nod. He turns and walks away, "No Cas - no I wasn't talking to you - no Cas, no just forget what I said." You laugh and Dean shakes his head, grinning. 

Dean lays down beside you, you hear the dog flop down beside the bed. "I think you took her spot Dean." 

He laughs, "Yeah well, she'll live." He wraps himself around you, holding you close. You press yourself against the length of him, tucking your head under his chin. You wrap your arm around him and smell his neck. He's rubbing your back over your sweatshirt and he buries his face in your clean hair. You run your hand up his arm, he's just wearing a t-shirt, you love it when he's not wearing all those layers. He slips his hand under the bottom of your sweatshirt, grazing his fingers across your lower back. "Mmmmmm," you hum.

"We shouldn't be doing this, you need to rest ok?" He says. You don't move from your spot, snuggled under his chin, but you raise your hand and press your palm to his cheek. "Ok Dean. I just wanted to feel you." 

He pulls away from you and sits up, pulling his shirt off. He stands and steps out of his jeans. You sit up and he grabs the bottom of your shirt and pulls it up and off. You lay back and raise your ass and he tugs the waist of your pants down, throwing the clothes in a pile on the floor.

He lays back down and pulls you into his arms again, sighing heavily. You're facing each other and you relax against his chest, running your hand down his side and over his hip. His hands are moving slowly, gently exploring every inch of you, mapping your skin. You raise your face to his and he kisses you, soft and easy. He touches your face, cupping it in his hand. You reach between you and slip your hand around the hard length of him.

"No baby, we can't. You need to sleep." He says against your mouth.

"I want to Dean. I want _you_ ," you whisper into his lips. 

"Oh God....." He kisses you again, softly nipping your bottom lip between his teeth. 

"I really don't think we should..." His hands are on your ass, pressing you tight up to him. You run your hand up the shaft and slide your palm across the head of his dick, slicked with pre-come. He groans and shoves into your hand, pressing you to your back. 

He's being slow, gentle, but he's not teasing. This is more about need, you need each other and he's not playing. His hand is slipping between your legs, his fingers softly brushing against your clit. He kisses your neck, his mouth dropping down to run his tongue over your nipple, and he's pumping into your hand the whole time. 

You put your arms around his shoulder and pull him toward you, he slides over top you between your legs. He doesn't waste a second, pressing inside you, filling you up, starting a slow rhythm. 

"Yes Dean....." You kiss him, his tongue in your mouth. 

Everything is slow, gentle, easy. There's no rush, you just need to feel each other. 

"You feel so good..." He says, rubbing his rough cheek against your jaw.

"So do you Dean, I just.... I needed you...." 

He's moving in and out of you faster, he raises up a little and reaches down to rub his middle finger back and forth over your clit. "Dean....." You whisper his name. You pull your legs up. He can go deeper, and he slides out and back in, over and over, it feels so good.

"Come with me, are you close?"

"Yes....please..." He's so gentle, "please, yes, oh God...." 

He moves his finger faster, thrusting into you, he's holding on, waiting for you, and then it comes. Everything in the world focuses between your legs, tightening around him, and you say his name, "oh God Dean...Dean...Dean..." 

He's coming too, grunting into your neck and shoving into you hard, breathing heavy. "I can't lose you baby. I won't. You're going to be ok, do you hear me?" He's talking into your neck, his whiskers scratching against you. 

"I'm fine Dean, it's ok. Don't worry."

You don't even move, you just let him roll to his side, lying up against you, and you're asleep. Sound asleep. You can rest knowing things are okay between you.


	3. Chapter 3

You wake up later to Dean stirring in bed; Sam is in the doorway. "Cas is back, guys," he says. 

Dean is pulling his t-shirt over his head, yanking up his wrinkled jeans from the floor. "Let me use the bathroom and get dressed, I'll be right there." 

You sit on the side of the bed and Dean turns back to you, "Why don't you just sleep? We'll wake you if he knows something." 

Sam crosses the room to you, "No, she needs to hear what he has to say. I'll help her get dressed." 

Dean kisses your cheek and walks into the living room. You're still sitting on the side of the bed. You walk to the bathroom and go, and then run a brush through your hair. You make it back to the bed before the dizziness hits you and you flop down. 

Sam hands your clothes to you and helps you slip a sweatshirt over your head, pulls your arms through. He's helping you with your sweatpants.

"This is ridiculous Sam, why am I so tired?" He stands up and pulls you up with him, picks you up to carry you into the living room. 

"I don't know, but Cas has some answers." He takes you to the couch and sets you down, the dog laying down right on top of your feet. Sam sits beside you, his arm behind you on the couch, you lean into his side. 

"Alright Cas, whatcha got?" Dean says. 

"I have a lot of information Dean." He looks to you and asks, "are you ready?" You nod and he sits down.

"The research I've done leads me to believe that you have an elf somewhere in your lineage." 

He waits, he knows this is going to take some time for you and Dean to process. Sam seems to already know. 

"An _ELF_? Like, a magical elf?" He can't mean a pointy eared elf, you think.

"You mean like Lord of the Rings elves?" Dean asks.

Cas looks at him, "I don't know a Lord of the Rings Dean, I don't know if he's from the same group of elves." You smile at Dean and he shakes his head.   
"From what Sam and I can gather you have an ancestor named Tinnuves. She was from Wales, and once we hit her in your ancestry, it stops. Her line disappears. Obviously she came from somewhere, but the elves have locked their realm so we've hit a roadblock." He leans forward.

"But I think I know what happened, and I think I know what's happening to you now. Tinnuves was an elf, and at this time in history elves moved between the human world and their own freely. She was from a group of elves, or some places in the world they're known as 'water spirits'. Whatever they truly were, they called themselves the 'Gwragedd Annwn'. They were beautiful, both the males and the females, and they frequently married humans. They lived in the lakes of Wales and built their cities from the magick of the earth. They had beautiful gardens, lush and full of flowering plants and luscious fruits. They made the sweetest music using only their voices, and they welcomed humans into their realm as long as humans followed their rules." 

"Well, we know where this is going." Dean says. 

"Yes, I'm sure you do. Humans rarely follow rules," Cas continues. "It was close to the end of this peaceful time between the Gwragedd Annwn and humanity that Tinnuves met a human male and fell in love. What was his name, Sam?" Cas looks to Sam and Sam reaches for his notes, "His name was Gareth Yates," Sam answers. 

"Yes, Gareth. Gareth and Tinnuves married in a human ceremony and in a binding ritual, the ritual of her people. Gareth was a gentleman, but somewhat sickly. Being united with Tinnuves' magick strengthened him. They lived happily for several years, and then she had a child, a daughter, Emliniel. They raised their daughter between both worlds, traveling back and forth. Emliniel was strong in her magick, like her mother, and she learned quickly. When she was in her twelfth year they were preparing to send her to live with the Gwragdd Annwn, to prepare her in the traditions of Tinnuves' people, for reaching womanhood. This is the year the realm was closed, locking them away from Tinnuves home, and from their magick." 

 

"What happened? Why would they lock their people out? Surely she wasn't the only one living with humans?" you ask.

"No, she wasn't," Cas replies. "There were others, all lost to time now. But a human broke the most precious rule of the Gwragedd Annwn. He took something from their realm back to the human world -- a flower. It seems trivial to us, but these things were created from the magick of the Earth, the thing Tinnuves' people held most dear. Humans were always welcomed and warned upon arrival; do not take anything off the islands. When this man passed through the door back into the human world, the flower immediately withered, the door sealed shut for eternity, and any humans inside or any elves outside were locked there forever. He fell to the ground, dead."

Cas leans back now, and Dean clears his throat. "I assume you went to Wales, Cas?" he asks.

"I did," Cas replies. "There is no way into Gwragedd Annwn now; it's been sealed too long. But I learned what I know from people who have kept records for generations. They chronicled your family until your ancestor left for the New World." 

"That would have been Thomas Smythe," Sam says. 

"I don't know Sam," says Cas. "He's inconsequential now. What really matters is what happened with Tinnuves and Emliniel. After the door closed Tinnuves tried to school her daughter in what it meant to be a female, the magick of creation she shared with their Mother Earth, and how to control the allure she would have over human men. But Gareth started failing, with Tinnuves locked away from the strongest source of her magick he started to bleed her dry. She couldn't keep them both alive, and within two years he died in his sleep. She was found holding his hand, having followed him into death, as the binding spell can do.

Emliniel had learned some, but not all of what she needed to know. She could connect with the earth, but she didn't know the most important thing -- the binding spell. She met a man, a few years older than her, who was also a descendant of the Gwragedd Annwn. They married in a church and loved each other fiercely, but were never properly bound. They had a son, and when he was close to manhood Emliniel became ill. She would have seemed an old woman to the humans that knew her, her son wasn't born until she was over fifty, but this should be young for an elf. She died at about seventy years of age, and since they weren't properly bound her husband lived on, despondent and grieving. He killed himself within a year. Their son had almost no knowledge of the magick he carried inside him, and he passed no knowledge of it on to his daughter. And that is how you came to be -- mostly human but with a spark of magick." 

You are stunned. It's too much to grasp all at once. You feel like all this knowledge should have been broken up, so you could process it. But Cas goes on. 

"And so each generation leading up to you dies younger and younger. You don't know how to nurture the magick within you, and most importantly, you don't know how to bind yourselves to your mates. You don't know how to diminish your allure to the opposite sex. You're vibrant and beautiful, and you captivate the humans you encounter. This explains what happened to your father, and more recently to you. And you don't understand that having children, the magick made between male and female when a baby is conceived, it bleeds you dry. You don't know how to replenish it." 

Cas pauses, "I know this is too much to take in, but I have to warn you now. If you have a child, if you become pregnant, it will kill you. I don't think you could even carry the child. You're the last of your line." 

Sam and Dean both shift uncomfortably. 

"Well, I don't have to worry about that at least. I can't have children, I was told that in my twenties. I came to terms with that a long time ago and I'm okay with it." 

Cas nods at you, understanding. "That's part of how you've remained stronger than your ancestors," he says.

"I'm almost done, but there are a few more things that we have to go over. Can you make it? You look exhausted." Cas says to you. 

"I'm fine Cas, keep going." 

He looks at you soberly. "You are not fine. When I touched you, when I tried to heal you, I was able to heal the wounds to your human body. But the power of my Grace did something to your magick. I felt it surge, shift. That's how I knew something was different in you. Whatever happened is speeding up the process. Your magick must be replenished or you will fade away." 

He lets that sink in. 

"So..... I'm dying?" You ask, and Cas nods. 

"There has to be a way to replenish her magick, witches do it, why can't she?" Sam says. 

"Witches use a different source for their power. Elves and water spirits connect with the earth through binding with their mates. They frequently take on more than one mate, like she has with you. A female with two males or a male with two females, even three mates is not uncommon. The easiest way for her to replenish her magick would be to bind with you both." 

Cas looks between Sam and Dean. "You're healthy; you would not pull from her or deplete her. But there are…side effects." Cas waits. 

"When you say binding, you mean like get married?" Dean says, staring at Cas. 

"Not legally, no. She can't legally marry two men anyway. But I can get the binding spell and what is needed for the ritual if you all agree to participate. These things were recorded centuries ago, if her ancestors had only known where to look. But you all need to be aware of are the repercussions," Cas answers. 

"What repercussions?" Sam tightens his arm around your shoulder, God you're tired. 

"When she binds to her mates the magick will create a link between you. You will all feel each other, what the others are feeling, all the time. You won't be able to block it out, no matter how far apart you are. You can be half a world apart and if she is angry you will know, if Dean is laughing, you will know." 

"Well that's fucked up." Dean says.

"Yes, that's one way to put it Dean," Cas responds, "I think she already experiences this, from what little I've seen and from what you both have told me. I think a part of her magick makes her a little empathic, would you agree with that?" Cas is looking at you for an answer. 

"I... I don't know. I guess I can see that a little. Like with Dean, he got angry and it was like I couldn't control my own anger. I wasn't even mad and then suddenly..... Is that what you mean?"

Cas nods, "Yes, that's it exactly. It's also probably why you chose to live so close to the edge of town, giving you distance from people. Your property borders a woods and a pond, so you can connect with nature. You're self-preservation instinct is stronger than most, you're lucky. A lot of people with your ancestry are just bled dry by humans." That's a disturbing thought.

"So if we did this binding thing, then if I die, will Sam and Dean die too?" 

Cas studies you for a moment. "No, not unless they choose to. This is why it was so common to take on more than one mate; the other two were more likely to live on." 

"Would this change anything between Dean and I?" Sam is uncomfortable with this question, you can tell. 

"No, I did a lot of research on that aspect, Sam. You and Dean would be linked through her. You will feel each other, but it wouldn't change your relationship as brothers. But, I want this next part to be very clear. Should she die and one or both of you live on, you will remain linked, and you will not take another mate. If something happened to either of you she would not take another mate. Binding is eternal, you would not want another, ever. I'm going to be very honest here; I think this has already happened. It happened with both her mother and her grandfather and they were never bound with their mates. Should she die I don't think either of you will ever love again." 

It's quiet for several minutes and then Dean is nodding. "Yeah, I can see that Cas." He's lost in thought. He looks at you and smiles, and the tears start falling from your eyes. You can't hold them back. "Hey, what's wrong?" He says, he crosses the room to you. Sam pulls you into his lap and Dean sits down beside him, taking your face in his hands and wiping the tears away with his thumbs. 

"What have I done?" You lean your head into Sam's chest and he holds you tight, Dean is rubbing his hands on the back of his head, up the short hair. 

"You haven't done anything wrong, sweetie." Sam says, and you hear the rumble of the words in his chest.  
"Yes, I have. I'm going to die, and you will both be alone…forever. That is _my_ fault, Sam. I broke a man's mind that I didn't even know, I made him go _crazy_. I'm a monster." 

The tears are falling freely and you're sinking closer to sleep, you've been awake too long, and this is all too much, sleep would be a relief.

Cas clears his throat but you can't even lift your head to look at him. "You did not break his mind. He had been sick for a long time, he could have fixated on anyone, it just happened to be you that walked into the store that day and..... Well, you know what happened. And there are ways to control that, I can help you with that, but you have to choose to live."

"Is there any other way to fix this magick Cas? Any way besides binding?" Your voice is soft. 

There's a long pause. "No." He finally says. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I looked everywhere." 

"Then the answer is no," You say, and fall to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

You sleep and sleep. You remember them trying to wake you, taking sips of water; they ask you if you need to go to the bathroom but you fall back asleep before you can answer. You wake up for a few seconds and one of them is always there. Sam propped up in bed with books all around him, Dean sleeping beside you with his arm draped across your middle, even Cas sitting in the chair, just watching you. 

You start wanting to wake up some time later. You try really hard but sleep keeps pulling you under, like you're fighting for the surface and waves are pushing you down. At one point Gretchen is standing beside the bed, resting her head next to yours. When you open her eyes she wags her tail so hard her whole body wiggles. "Hey big girl, you need to go outside?" Your voice is hoarse and raspy, you're really thirsty. 

Cas is in the chair, "Sam went to the library and Dean went to the grocery. Dean told me I'm not to leave you alone for any reason, and the dog needs to go out." 

"Cas you can go let the dog out, I'll be fine." You stretch; if you lay still you'll be asleep again. 

"He was very adamant."

You laugh and try to sit up, it takes a lot of effort but you're finally on the side of the bed.

 

"How long have I been asleep?" You have to give yourself a minute, sitting up makes you a little light headed. 

"Almost 22 hours." Cas is standing now; the dog is so excited her whole body is whipping around trying to follow her tail. 

"A DAY?! Oh my God, have I been asleep for a whole day?" This is bad, really bad.

"Well technically a whole day is 24 hours, so no." 

You try to stand and you can't quite make it, your butt hits the bed again. 

"I need to call my work, this is crazy. I'm going to be fired. Which, I guess doesn't really matter if I'm going to die, but still." You run your hands down your face. 

"Sam called your work, you're on indefinite leave. They said to notify them when you want to return."

"He did? I wonder who he talked to, what did he tell them?" You can't imagine Sam or Dean talking to your boss. 

"I wasn't there when he called so I don't know. Do you need to use the restroom?" Cas asks. You really don't want him in the bathroom with you but you can't deny you need to go. You nod. 

Cas walks over to help you up, "Wait, let Gretchen out first, Cas. She acts like she really needs to go." He looks at the dog for a few seconds. 

"She says she can wait, she's more excited that you're awake." 

"Wait, you can talk to dogs?" This is even more bizarre than you having magick. 

"You might be able to as well, if you try to learn." Ok, things just got more bizarre. You can't imagine talking to dogs. 

He carries you into the bathroom and stands you on your feet by the toilet. 

"Uh... Ok, um, can you at least turn around if you won't leave me alone in here?" He turns his back to you. Apparently, this is as private as it's getting. You go as fast as you can and then grab your brush off the counter and run it through your hair. You barely recognize yourself in the mirror. You look older somehow, and there are dark hollow circles are under your eyes. 

 

"Ok Gretch, let's get you outside!" Her toenails are clicking as she dances around happily on the bathroom tile. 

Cas moves to pick you up, "Just let me have your arm, Cas, I need to try to walk." He looks at you very seriously, studying your face, and then finally slips his arm around behind you. His face is close to yours; his eyes are such an intense blue. You put your arm around him and he helps support you, "Thanks, Cas." 

He slowly escorts you into the kitchen where he lets the dog out the back door. "Are you hungry?" He asks. 

"I think I'm thirsty more than anything, but I should probably eat something." You're leaning against the counter.

"I'm not adept at cooking." Cas states flatly. You can't help but laugh at that.

"You don't need to cook for me Cas," You grab and apple and a banana from the fruit bowl, "but can you help me to the couch?"

He picks you up, "I wish you guys would stop carrying me everywhere, I really can walk you know." 

He looks at you again with those eyes, you wonder if they're that color because he's an angel. 

"It's faster." He says. He sits you on the couch and you pull a blanket over your legs. 

"Can you bring me some water?" He walks back to the kitchen and you hear the door open and shut, letting the dog back in. She trots in, leading the way for Cas who's carrying a glass of water. He hands it to you and you drink half of it right away. 

You take a bite of the apple, it has no flavor. It's surprising how hard it is to force yourself to swallow something that doesn't have taste. 

"Are you alright?" Cas is looking at you, his eyes slightly squinted. 

"It just tastes so bland. The sandwich Dean made was like that too. Don't tell him I said that though." 

Cas shakes his head. "So your food is bland, is there anything else different that you can tell?" Cas sits across from you in a chair. 

You think for a minute. "Other than being tired you mean?" 

He nods.

"I don't know. Like what?" 

"If your sense of taste is affected then you might notice something with your smell, hearing, touch, or vision," he says. 

You sit quietly, close your eyes, try to hear anything different. No obvious difference. You run your hands over the skin on your arms, you reach out and pet the dog, everything seems normal. You open your eyes and look around, at the floor, the table, the vase of flowers by the window, and that's when you notice it. 

"Colors, there's almost no color. Everything is muted." You close your eyes and lay your head back, thinking about this makes you tired. "This really sucks, Cas." 

"You have the ability to fix it." 

"You mean the binding?" You look over at him. 

"Yes. Why are you opposed to it?" He turns his head slightly to the side, it reminds you of Gretchen when she's trying to figure something out. You try to hide your smile. 

"You know Sam and Dean. I know that they'll do whatever they can to save someone, even if it means hurting themselves. I don't want them to do this just to save me. I'd rather die than have them bind themselves to me just to keep me alive." 

Cas looks at you for a long time, finally squinting his eyes and slightly shaking his head. 

"You don't know them at all." 

You finish the apple and start on another glass of water when Dean opens the door with his arms full of groceries. "Hey there sleeping beauty, it's good to see you up. How are you feeling?" 

"Oh you know, just about to go run a few miles, and then I thought maybe I'd try some kickboxing or something. How're you?" He laughs and carries everything into the kitchen. 

"You hungry?" He yells from the other room. 

"Nah, I've been snacking. Thanks though." 

"She's only had an apple, Dean, I think she needs something more." Cas says, holding eye contact with you.

"Well aren't you just my guardian angel," you say, voice dripping with sarcasm. Cas smirks. 

Sam gets home a little while later, and Dean is cooking something that smells delicious but you know will tastes totally flat. 

"How did it go, Sam?" Cas asks. 

"You know how it went, Cas. Nothing. But I had to try." Sam sits beside you on the couch. 

"What were you looking for?" You put your hand on his thigh, Cas watches the movement.

"Anything…any kind of answer or information besides what we have. If you won't bind with us I wanted to find something else that might work, but there's just...nothing." 

"I'm sorry." You look at him and he shakes his head. 

The food is done and Dean brings you a plate. Burgers with all the toppings and chips. You take a bite, chew, swallow. You just need to get some of it down. 

"Dean, if you're done cooking I think we need to talk," Sam says. 

Dean carries in two more plates, one for him and one for Sam, and sits down. 

"Yep. Let's do this," Dean says. 

You knew this was coming. "Guys, don't even bother. I'm not doing it."

"Ok, explain why," says Sam. 

"I already explained it to Cas." They both look at him and he shakes his head. 

"I don't want you guys to do this just to save me. I know how you are; you'll sacrifice yourselves, your happiness, to save someone. I won't let you do that for me. I'd rather die." You take another bite, chew, swallow. 

"What? Are you serious?" Dean says. He's upset; you know now where the feeling is coming from, why this frantic feeling is washing over you. 

"Dean, we discussed this, you need to stay calm." Cas says. Dean leans back, takes a deep breath. You feel a little better. 

"I see where you're coming from," Sam says. "But you're looking at it the wrong way," he continues. "We've sacrificed ourselves over and over to save people -- people we don't even know! People we'll never know. And we did it knowing we'll get nothing in return. But this, this is something we _want_. We don't want to lose you. Ever. We're not doing it to save you, we're doing it to _keep you_." 

"Yes. Exactly. Well said, Sammy. What he said." Dean smiles at you. 

"But how do you even know what you really feel for me? What if it's just the magick? What if they aren't real feelings?" 

You're crying again and you feel the exhaustion pushing at you.

"Look at me," Cas says. You're looking at your half eaten burger, hoping you don't throw it up.

"Look at _me_ ," he says again. You look up and study his face. He's so calm. 

"I want you to think about something. You know what these men feel; you know how they feel, because you've _felt_ it." His calmness is settling you, you're not crying anymore. "Just like you felt Dean's anger, Sam's worry, their need, you've felt all these things _from them_. I know you understand exactly what I'm describing, you didn't at the time, but you do now. You've felt those things, but you've also felt their love. I know you have. You need to focus on that. Stop creating roadblocks, stop trying to give them an out; they don't want a way out. They want _you_." 

You are so calm, almost serene. You and Cas are just staring at each other, you can't look away. It's quiet for a long time. 

Dean clears his throat, "Uh.... Damn, Cas. Wow." He says. 

Sam takes your hand and twines his long fingers in yours, Cas watches this. Sam squeezes your hand and you turn to look at him, "Please." There are tears standing in his eyes and you feel it then, shining, brimming over, and a little heavy in your chest: Love. 

"Okay," you whisper to him. 

He smiles, big and beautiful, his dimples appearing in his cheeks. 

"Wait, what was that? You have to speak up for those of us in the nosebleed section!" Dean says. You look over and he has his hand cupped behind his ear, like he's trying to hear you. 

"Okay, yes, I said yes, Dean. Yes." He bites his bottom lip, trying to hide his smile but he can't. A grin spreads across his face, lighting it up, touching his eyes. 

You feel it from Dean then too. A light, bubbly feeling, airy and happy. Love. Sam reaches around and pulls you into his lap, so you're straddling him, kissing you deeply, his hands pushing you into him. You feel something then, something different, and it startles you. It comes from Cas, and you break the kiss with Sam to turn and look at Cas. His face is a mask, revealing nothing, but he stares into your eyes for a moment. Long enough that it makes you wonder, _if everything else is black and white, why are his eyes so blue?_ And then he's gone.


	5. Chapter 5

You're dozing on the couch while Dean watches a movie, your head in his lap. It's better to sleep out here, if you go in the bedroom you get pulled into that drowning sleep. Out here the light and the sound keep that from happening, constant interruption. You sigh and turn to your side, Dean running his fingers through your hair.

_You're walking Gretchen around the pond, she's running loose, staying close but darting back and forth chasing ducks. The sun is shining warm on you and you turn your face up to the sky, so blue, bright blue._

_"We need to talk." You hear Cas and look ahead of you again; he's standing there, his hands in the pockets of his trench coat, blue striped tie blowing in the breeze._

_"About what?" You walk toward him slowly._

_"I think you know."_

_"About why your eyes are so blue?" You ask, you leave space between you, a few steps._

_"Yes. Something like that. Do you understand it?" He doesn't move toward you. You're surprised when you wish he would. You shake your head no._

_"I think....." He pauses, takes one step closer to you. "I think that when my Grace touched your magick something connected them. I think they're pulling toward each other. The human side of you has chosen Sam and Dean, but I believe your magick has chosen my Grace." His lips are so full. His voice so low._

_"So, you want to bind with me?" You're looking at his mouth, thinking about what it would feel like if he kissed you with those full lips._

_"I..... I don't think Sam and Dean would want that...." He takes another step.  
"That's not what I asked, Castiel." You look from his mouth to his eyes; they're so blue you could drown in them. _

_He steps up to you, very close, his chest almost touching yours. His hands are still in his pockets. You reach up and touch his cheek, it's rough, and you lightly rub your fingers down to his mouth, over his lips._

_He leans down and kisses you. Deep and passionate, and you feel something inside you reach for him, part of you pushes into him and he moans into your mouth._

You wake up abruptly, startled to find Dean's face above you. 

"Hey, you ok? You were said something about Cas in your sleep."

It was a dream, thank God, just a dream. 

"Yeah, no, I'm okay. I had a crazy dream about Cas." 

Dean looks at you strangely. "What happened in this dream?" He's helping you sit up.

"Uh, I don't know, I was walking the dog and then Cas showed up and we talked a little and then he....I, I think he kissed me." 

Dean looks mad. Probably not something the guy wants to hear about, you dreaming about kissing another man, but it was just a harmless dream. 

"He _what?!_ CAS! CAS, GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW!" His voice booms into the room. 

Sam comes running in from the shower, his hair dripping water everywhere, he's pulling on a pair of sweatpants. 

"What the hell?" He asks. 

Cas is standing next to the front door, almost like he walked through it instead of just appearing there. 

"I know what this is about." Cas says, looking at you, Sam, and then Dean. 

"Well, can somebody clue me in?" Sam says.

Dean is standing now, "Yeah, Cas kissed her. He _kissed_ her, Sam." Anger is rolling off of Dean but the rage that boils out of Sam is overwhelming. He keeps his face calm, firmly in control. A slight clench of his jaw hints at the fury that's riding below the calm exterior, but the rage shoves you like a physical force. 

"He _what?!_ " Sam and Dean are both moving in front of Cas now, Cas standing calmly.

"Guys, it was just a dream." You try to intervene but your voice is too soft, the emotion in the room suffocating you, you're going to pass out if you can't get them to calm down. 

"Move." Cas says to both of them. They stand firm.

"I said _move_." He pushes straight through them and comes to where you're sitting on the couch, your head in your hands. He moves to touch you and Dean grabs him by the shoulder, pulling him back. Cas stands and turns to him.

"Dean, I can help her. You and Sam certainly can't with all this rage, but I can help her cope with this." 

Dean looks ashamed for a second, looking away from Cas. "Fine," he says after a moment. 

Cas reaches out again, pulling your hand away from your face. He places his palm to yours, wrapping his fingers around to tightly hold your hand, like a child would. 

"Just breathe, deep breath, yes, relax." He's holding eyes contact with you. It's weird and calming at the same time. You feel something, moving slowly, inching down your arm. You look down; it passes your elbow, sliding lower into your wrist. When it finally touches your hand it tingles and tickles at your palm, it's almost like you can see it, sliding around and over his hand, almost playful.

He smiles at you.

Sam and Dean are furious, sitting in the chairs opposite you and Cas. Cas is sitting next to you on the couch, holding your hand. It's so awkward. There's so much space between you, as far apart and two people can sit on your couch, with your hands linked in the middle. Like a middle school couple with no idea what to do or how to act around each other. 

Dean's knee is bouncing, Sam is brooding. No one is talking. 

Finally you say, "So, I'm guessing the dream.... Wasn't really a dream?" 

No eye contact or acknowledgement from Sam or Dean. 

Occasionally the tickling in your palm bounces and you want to smile, you have to look down and concentrate on hiding it. It's especially strong for a second and Cas rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, the tingle intensifies and jumps and swirls.

"Someone has to talk sooner or later guys," you're getting irritated. 

Cas clears his throat. "To answer your question, technically it was a dream, but I was real. In a way. I needed an honest answer about what was happening, and I knew I wouldn't get it in person. You're faithful to Sam and Dean, they should know that." He looks at them pointedly for a few seconds. 

"We need to talk about this, are you two ready to do that now?" Cas asks them. 

"I don't know Cas, are you gonna be able to keep your mouth off of her long enough to talk about it?" Dean's voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"I never really had my mouth _on her Dean_." You feel a shot of irritation from Cas and you squeeze his hand. It seems to startle him and he glances at you, then rubs his other hand on his thigh and looks ahead again. 

"Do you _really_ have to hold her hand the whole time?" Sam's face is dark. 

"Not if you two will calm down," Cas states flatly. It's Sam's turn to look a little ashamed. 

"Yeah, I can do that," he says, a little defeated. He looks at Dean. 

"I'm calm," Dean says, knees still bouncing. Cas squints at him and then lets go of your hand. 

You feel anger and jealousy rush in, but not like before. It's stifled now, they're trying really hard. You feel something in your hand trying to reach for Cas. You pull your hand back to your lap and rest your other hand on top of it.

"Ok, so in my dream you said something about your Grace and my magick, right?" You look at Cas, he turns his head toward you and those blue eyes meet yours. You look back at your hands. 

"Yes," he's still looking you, you can feel it, "like I said, I think when I used my Grace to try to heal you it interfered with your magick. But I think somehow your magick is now reaching for me, or for my Grace at least. I feel it." 

You nod. 

"So what, Cas? You want her now?" Sam says. Jealousy, strong jealousy. 

"I..... I don't know. Yes, well I mean.... My Grace pulls toward her too, and I've never felt that before." He's looking at Sam, very open and honest. Sam is trying to get his anger in check. You feel a stab of sympathy for Cas. You don't really know each other; this has to be just as confusing to him. 

"Ok guys, I'm tired. We need to figure out what's going on." You need to speed things along or you'll be asleep. 

"So what are you wanting to do Cas? Take her on a date or something?" Dean is just the king of sarcasm today. 

"No Dean. I mean, I don't know what you do on a date. Do you want me to take you on a date?" He's looking at you again. 

"Stop it Dean, you're not helping." You look at him and he smirks. 

"Talk, Cas." Dean stares at him. 

"Like I said, something happened between her magick and my Grace and I think they're pulling toward each other. I explained to her, I think her human side wants to bind with you and Sam, and her magick wants to bind with me." 

"Wait, so now _you_ want to bind yourself to her?" Sam is fighting so hard with his anger, he can't keep the jealousy tamped down though.

"No. I'm saying she wants to be bound to all three of us." 

You never thought of shock as an emotion until the anger recedes and you feel the wave of confusion roll over you.

"I don't think any of you will agree to it," Cas continues, "but I want to add something before you refuse. She will be like a conduit for you and Sam. You two will feel each other, like I explained before. It will be confusing and difficult for you at first, but you have to think of what she'll be feeling. All the emotion that passes from Sam to Dean will pass through her first, and vice versa. She is a sort of filter. What she feels now is exhausting her, think of how it will be after you're all bound."

You cut in, "But won't my magick be fixed? Won't I be able to handle it?" 

"I believe so. I hope so. But I could help." Cas is looking at you; it's that feeling like you're the only two in the room again. Jealousy pushes at you from Dean.

"How are you going to help?" Sam asks. 

"I can be a buffer. I can help her filter, and teach her to control it. I can carry some of the weight of it." Cas doesn't look away from you. 

"Do you really feel this.... This, pull? Or whatever he's talking about?" Dean asks. 

You pull your eyes from Cas. How do you explain what you feel without hurting them? You don't ever want to hurt them. 

"I'm sorry, Dean, but I do. I don't know what it is. It's something inside me, it's me but it's like it thinks and moves on its own. And it moves toward him." 

Dean nods. "Ok, well I'm not letting you go, so what the hell do we do now?" 

Sam leans forward, "I don't think we have to let her go, Dean. I think we have to do what Cas said. All three of us have to be in this with her." 

"I don't expect you guys to be okay with that," you say "hell, I don't know if I'm okay with it." 

Dean looks at you, "Not to be a dick babe, but it doesn't sound like any of us have a choice."

You don't know what to say and you all sit quietly for a while. 

Finally Sam breaks the silence. "I think we might be looking at it the wrong way, Dean. It's fucked up, don't get me wrong, but when are our lives not fucked up?"

"That's not helping, Sammy." Dean rolls his eyes. 

"No, I mean, look at it this way. Everyone we have left, that we think of as family, is in this room. Why would it be such a bad thing to include Cas in this? He's family; this is all we got left, why not be in it together, you know?" 

More silence, a long stretch. 

Finally Cas looks at Sam, "Thank you, Sam." 

Cas is very good at not allowing you to feel his emotions, you've only felt it a couple times, but you feel his love and affection for Sam and Dean now. He cares for them so much, and you reach your hand out to him again, and he takes it. He twines your fingers in his, like Sam did. You look at Sam and Dean and they both nod. 

"I've collected everything needed for the ritual except the rings," Cas says.

"Rings? Like _wedding_ rings?" Dean looks pale. 

"It's part of the ritual Dean, you don't have to wear them after it's over," Cas explains. 

Dean visibly relaxes, "Thank God, I don't want people asking and me having to explain that I'm married to a chick, a dude _and_ my brother." 

 

Sam laughs and you can't help but join in, even Cas smiles. 

"I'll be back as soon as I can." He lets go of your hand and he's gone. 

You doze off and on, Dean watching TV and Sam reading, the dog sleeping behind your legs on the couch. She almost knocks you off when she stretches. There are no more dreams. They wake you to eat once and you drink plenty of water. 

Cas finally comes back and you feel him before you even wake. Whatever is happening seems to be stronger just from holding his hand. He carries several things to the coffee table and sets them down. 

A delicate white bowl that looks like it's ceramic but has a wood grain pattern to it, it's full of dried plants and fruits, four papers with words in another language written on them, and a leather pouch that jingles that you assume holds the rings. 

"Ok Cas, spill it. What do we do with all this?" Dean asks. 

"The bowl is from a tree in Gwragedd Annwn. It looks brittle but you could not break it, _I_ cannot break it. It will burn though. We put the rings in the bowl with the dried herbs, fruits and flowers, and we say the words, and then put the papers in to burn too. Once the bowl has burned away she places the rings on our fingers and it's complete." 

"That's it?" Sam says, he picks up the pouch and pours the rings into his palm, looking them over.

"Well...." Cas trails off. 

Everyone looks at him, waiting. 

He clears his throat, "Well, the burning herbs and flowers tend to have an effect. And we can't wear clothes. And it's said that the effects don't wear off for up to 12 hours, but it's been so long since anyone has recorded anything about this that no one knows for certain." 

"So, we're naked," you say to him. He nods. "And by effect you mean....?" 

"Sex."

"That's what I was afraid of," Dean says. He looks at the floor, shaking his head and laughing to himself. "I'm gonna go take a shower." He stands and walks out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

_Suddenly I turned around and she was standin’ there_  
_With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair_  
_She walked up to me so Gracefully and took my crown of thorns_  
_“Come in,” she said, “I’ll give you shelter from the storm”_  
\--Bob Dylan

Dean comes out of the shower clean and freshly shaved, his t-shirt clinging to his damp chest. 

"You wanna shower?" He kneels down by you dozing on the couch. 

"I don't think I have the energy, but I'd love a hot bath," you say, rubbing your eyes. 

"Come on Cas, you can shower while she takes a bath," he says to Cas, who's standing by the table discussing the ritual with Sam.

"I don't require showers Dean," he answers.

"Uh, no Cas. This requires a shower." Dean isn't going to take no for an answer. 

"I... I don't know _how_ to shower." Cas looks uncomfortable.

"Come on Cas, Dean can talk you through it while I'm in the tub," you say. Sam and Dean both look at you, Sam almost laughing. 

"Yeah, not happening." Dean says, sliding his arm around you, helping you walk. Man, you're ready to have some energy back. 

You sit on the side of the tub getting your water up to temperature and then plugging it so it can fill up. Dean is explaining the shower controls to Cas and Cas is trying to explain that a shower isn't really necessary, because as an angel he stays clean. Dean isn't going to give. Their backs are to you so you toss your clothes aside and slip into the tub, letting the bubbles cover you. 

Dean finally gets irritated, "Get in the damn shower, _NOW_." He says firmly, he's so irritated he walks out and shuts the door. 

Cas seems a little surprised when he turns around and you're in the bath. 

"Oh, uh, I can give you privacy." He turns his back to you. 

"It'sokayCas, considering what's about to happen I might as well get over you seeing me naked. You better shower or is Dean's gonna flip." 

He sighs and looks at you. "I really don't need it."  
"You're not going to convince him of that."

He nods and slips the trench coat off, looking for a place to hang it. "Just lay your clothes over the hamper." 

He lays his coat down and tugs at his tie, pulling it out of his collar and tossing it down. He unbuttons his shirt and slips it off his shoulders, the arms going inside out as he pulls them through. 

You're watching curiously, looking at the muscles across his back and shoulders. He unbuckles his belt and slides it out, then tugs his pants and underwear down, pulling his socks off with them and putting it all on the hamper. He's not facing you so all you can see is the side of his ass, which looks really, really good. He looks in your direction, you'd swear he's blushing but you just can't imagine Cas blushing over being naked. 

"So I just turn the knobs for water?" He asks you. 

"Yes, get the temperature where you want it before you get in though, otherwise you'll freeze or get burned." 

He nods. He could turn the other way to walk to the shower, keep himself hidden, but he doesn't. He turns around fully facing you and then finally opens the shower door. You can't help but look. Who wouldn't? 

He's thick, not as long as Sam, but then no one is. His stomach is flat, tight. There's muscles defined in his thighs and calves, he looks good. Really good. He turns the handles, back and forth, finally getting the temperature to where he likes it and then steps in. You can see his fuzzy online through the glass door, he's just standing in the water. 

"Do you see a bottle on the shelf that says shampoo?" 

"Yes." He reaches for it. 

"Okay, get your hair wet." He leans under the water. 

"Now put a little shampoo in your hands and rub it all around in your hair." You hear the shampoo squirt out and see him set the bottle back. He puts his arms up and rubs his hands around. 

He hisses, "Ow! My eyes!" 

You slip your head under the water to wet your own hair and laugh, coming back up quickly. 

"Rinse it out and try to keep it out of your eyes," you say, trying to hide the amusement in your tone. 

"Yes, I figured that out." 

"I'm sorry, Cas. Now take the washcloth and get it wet, then rub the bar of soap on it and get it soapy." 

You watch him do this, "Now start with your face, keep your eyes closed, and wash your face." You can see him rubbing it across his face. 

"Now your neck," he runs it around the front and back of his neck

"Now your shoulders and arms," he slides it across his shoulders and down each arm. You go through the whole shower like this, with you washing yourself at the same time. 

Finally you say, "Now you need to rub it between your legs." You see him pause, then run the soapy cloth between his legs, over his balls, pulling it up the length of him. 

He clears his throat after a second, "Ok, I think I'm done." 

"Just rinse off really well, make sure you get all the soap off, and then shut off the water."

He rinses and then turns the knobs back and forth, turning the hot totally off first and yelping when the water turns cool, you laugh again. 

He opens the door and pulls a towel down, running it over his head so his hair is sticking up in all directions. He lightly dries off and then steps out of the shower. He tries to wrap it around his middle but it keeps slipping down.

You pull the plug to drain your water. "Can you hand me a dry towel please?" He pulls another one down and hands it to you, and you slowly and carefully stand up. You're standing in front of him totally naked, and he's trying very hard to look anywhere but at you. You towel off your hair and then wrap the towel around yourself. He offers you his hand when you go to step out of the tub.

You carefully put your hand in his and after a second you feel that tingle and tickle moving toward him. 

"That feels so weird," you say, smiling. 

He smiles back, and instead of letting you step over the side of the tub he slides his arms behind you and picks you up. You're up against his bare chest, being this close to him is intoxicating, but not in a totally sexual way. It's the energy that radiates from him. He sets your feet on the floor, his face pausing close to yours as he rises to his full height. His eyes are looking into you and he leans in and softly presses his mouth to yours. It's not like the kiss in the dream; his mouth is closed and gentle. And then he pulls back, stands up fully and smiles. He steps back, giving you space. 

You finish your bathroom routine, Cas watching, and then you tell him you'll find him something clean to put on from Sam and Dean's clothes. 

"My clothes are clean."

"No, I'll find you something."

You rummage through the drawers and pull out an old ZZ Top shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. Cas dresses himself and then openly watches as you drop your towel in front of him. You pull on a tank top, not messing with a bra, and a pair of old shorts. 

He picks you up again and carries you into the living room, Sam and Dean both watching. No jealousy now, which is good. They seem calmer. Cas sits you on the couch beside Dean and then sits across from you. 

"Nice shirt," Dean tells him. Cas just looks at you. 

"Ok Cas, so what do we need to know about what's about to happen?" Sam asks. 

"I've told you most of it," Cas says, "the only thing I'm not sure about is what those words mean or how to pronounce them. I've been assured that it won't matter."

"I thought you knew every language," Sam says. 

"I know every language known to _man_. That wasn't written by men." Cas answers. Sam nods. 

"Well, that's not very comforting. We could be agreeing to grow five nipples or something," Dean says. "But we've done more with less, so we might as well get this show on the road."

"We can't do it here." Cas looks at Sam and Dean like they're crazy. 

"Uh, where do we do it?" You ask. 

"You have to bind your magick to us, and to the earth. We have to access the earth. This amount of power will be a beacon to anything and everything Supernatural, good and bad. It has to be safe." 

"This house is the only safe place, Cas, where else are we supposed to go?" Sam looks at him.  
No one has an answer and you all sit silently thinking for a long time. 

"Would dirt work?" You finally break the silence, looking at Cas.

"You mean just bring dirt inside? No, that wouldn't work," he says.

"No, like a dirt floor. There's a root cellar under the kitchen, for storms and stuff I guess. I've never used it, but the floor is totally dirt. Would it work?" 

Cas' eyes brighten, "Yes, yes I think it would."


	7. Chapter 7

Everything is ready. If the ritual could take up to 12 hours you decide to put the dog out back, she has a dog door to the garage and Sam puts food and water there for her. 

Cas has carried a small table down to the cellar with everything needed. The only thing he's worried about is not having access to water, but he's not sure it matters. 

Sam carries you down the steep stairs and it takes a few minutes for your eyes to adjust to the darkness. There's a little daylight coming in the small windows at the top of the walls, but it's fading fast. Dean lights candles and Sam sets you down, keeping his arm around you. 

Cas looks around at the three of you, "If you're all ready we can begin."

You're nervous, so nervous. And you feel it from Sam and Dean too; they're amping up your nerves. Cas is calm, as usual. You all nod.

The three men pull their shirts off. Toss all their clothes off to the side. You watch. All three of them naked, so beautiful. They look at you, you're still fully dressed. Sam steps up in front of you, sliding his hands under your shirt and up your sides. He pulls the shirt off over your head. Dean steps behind you, slipping his fingers in the waist of your pants and pulling them down. You step up to the table, naked now, Cas staring at you. 

They each take their places around the table, and Cas hands each of you your piece of paper. You take the rings in your hand, the metal is cool. They're simple silver bands, but when you look closer each ring has a golden braid of Celtic knot work wrapped around it. Each braid has four strands, and you know this represents the four of you. You smile at Cas and he smiles back. He put thought into these rings, they're perfect. You pass the rings out.

"After you each read your vow, drop your ring and the paper into the bowl. Then we wait," says Cas. 

"Wait for what?" Sam asks.

"I'm not sure, but I think we'll know. She starts, then Dean, then you Sam, and myself last," Cas explains. 

You take a deep breath, "Are you all sure about thi-", they cut you off with a definite "Yes," in unison. 

"Okay then, just making sure." You can't help a little smile. 

Cas takes a match and starts the mixture of herbs and flowers burning. It smokes and smolders.  
You pick up your paper and try to read it, stumbling over the words. None of it makes sense, and you drop your ring and the paper into the bowl. 

Dean goes next, the pronunciation no easier for him, and then drops his ring and paper in with yours. Sam follows suit, and then Cas. Somehow none of the papers are burning, the herbs are just smoking. But as Cas drops his paper on top the words on all of the papers alight with flame, burning bright, the paper curling and crackling, sparks raising off of them.

"I'm not sure we even needed to say the words," Cas says. And you see what he means. The words seem to be alive, burning off the parchment. The braids wrapping around the rings are glowing red hot now too. 

You look at Dean, across from you, staring into the bowl. His pupils are dilated, eyes looking heavy. The air is thick with smoke, heady. It's fuzzing your brain. 

You look at Sam, to your right. His hair falling across his forehead into his eyes, he's looking into the bowl too. You want to reach up and brush the hair back but your arms are heavy, so heavy, your fingers feel thick and stiff on your hands. 

You look to Cas on your left, his eyes so blue, still the only color you see. He's watching the bowl, his mouth so pouty and beautiful. You want to kiss him, but your legs won't move, your feet feel planted, stuck. 

You let your head fall back, look up to the ceiling, close your eyes and just breathe. Breathe. The air smells strong of spice and flowers, so strong. The smoke could almost choke you, but it doesn't it. It fills your lungs, it makes it too hard to think, all you can do is feel. It feels like hands on your skin, running up your arms, around your stomach, up your thighs. It's almost a living thing, this smoke. The guys can feel it too. Their lust is strong; you feel it from all of them. 

You put your hand between your legs, lightly running your fingertip over your clit. You feel the men, you _feel_ their lust, a need so strong it takes you over. They're so turned on, and it's pushing you closer, you need the release. 

Your finger swirling on your clit, oh God, you put your hand on the table to brace yourself. The feel of it against your palm pulls you back to where you are, and you lower your head, open your eyes. They're all staring at you, their cocks in their hands, and the look on Dean's face gives you chills. So much _desire_. 

You look at the bowl, or what was the bowl. What's left is ash, just a pile of ash, and you pull your hand out from between your legs and sift through the ash. The rings are charred, but you run your thumb over the metal and the black color rubs off. You slip yours on your finger, maybe you shouldn't have done that but it just felt right. It's still warm. You hold the others in your fist and look back up to Dean. He can't wait any longer. Everything seems to go very dark.


	8. Chapter 8

You wake the next morning, lying on the dirt floor, your back pressed into the soil. 

_What happened?_

You look around; Sam is lying on his side to your right, facing you, sleeping soundly. Dean and Cas are on your left, Dean sprawled on his stomach, the side of his face pressed into the dirt. Cas is on his back, head turned toward you. Both are sleeping hard. You didn't know Cas even slept. 

You slide your hands in the dirt, looking down at them as your fingers dig in. _The rings_. You raise your left hand, looking at it. The ring around the fourth finger is gone. There's a faint tattoo there, the image of the Celtic knot braid is in your skin. How did that happen? Why is your memory so hazy? You close your eyes and try to remember.

_The feel of the cool metal ring on your skin. The look of lust on Dean's face._

You start to remember things now. Pieces start falling into place…

_Dean moves around the table and grabs you, pushing you backwards, the short distance to the wall, backing you up against it. He raises you up, pinning you to the wall with his body and pushes into you fast. You're wet and he slides in easily, his teeth biting your bottom lip as he make a growling sound._

_"Dean," you whisper into his neck as he's pounding into you, "yes, Dean."_

_He's fucking you so hard, sweat forming on his brow, eyes staring into yours. His breath is huffing out over his lips, hot and fast. He looks primal, he can't even speak he wants you so much._

_The rings are in your hand and you feel the metal getting hot. You open your hand and look at them, one is glowing. You pull Dean's hand up from your ass and slide the ring onto his finger as he slams into you._

_Then you notice Sam beside you, his face on your neck, and you let your head fall to the side, watching his hand. He puts it on Dean's chest, sliding it down Dean's stomach and in between you. Sam pushes his hand down more, still kissing your neck, and you know he can feel Dean sliding in and out of you. Sam's finger hits your clit, rubbing over it, and your orgasm immediately hits you hard. Dean feels it, and you feel him, both of you coming, feeling the other, Dean saying, "Yes, yes, yes," over and over._

You shake our head to pull yourself out of the memory. You open your eyes and look to Sam again. You can see his left hand, the faint tattoo on his finger. Boundaries had melted away last night. You remember more now, and you're surprised by how open they all were with each other physically…. 

_Sam pulls you away from Dean, carrying you to the center of the room and sitting down on the floor. He's long and hard, so turned on from watching you with Dean that he can't wait any longer. He pulls you onto his lap so you're straddling him, and he slides into you, slowly lowering you down onto his cock. Cas is behind you, rubbing his rough jaw against the back of your neck._

_"Oh God Sam, fuck me." You're still sensitive from getting off with Dean, and Sam fills you up, hitting all those spots inside you that push you closer and closer to coming again._

_"I'm gonna fuck you so hard...." Sam says. Each time he thrusts his hips up into you, he's slamming you down onto his cock with force._

_Cas comes around the side and kisses Sam lightly on the corner of his mouth. You never expected that would turn you on, but it does. They're gorgeous together, and Sam can feel your lust. He knows you like it. He turns his mouth to Cas and kisses him, roughly holding him by the back of his head._

_"That's so fucking hot," you whisper._

_Dean is there then, his face by your ear._

_"You like that baby? You like seeing those two so hot for you that they can't keep their hands off each other? Huh? Do you see what you do to us?"_

_You're so turned on, so in the moment, that your brain can't even come up with any kind of answer._

_The rings are heating up in your palm again. You open your hand and pull out the one that's glowing. You pull Sam's hand up, palm facing you, and slide the ring on his finger._

_Dean is talking again and you close your eyes, listening to his voice in your ear._

_"God, you're so fucking beautiful fucking Sammy. He's fucking you so hard; you feel his big cock in you? Do you?" You can feel the lust coming off of Dean; he has his dick in his hand, stroking himself._

_"It's so big, Dean, Sam's so big...."_

_"Yes, he is, fucking your tight pussy, stretching it. You like it, don't you...."_

_It wasn't a question; he can feel what you're feeling, so close to coming. Dean kisses you, hard and deep, and reaches out to pinch your nipple. You lose it right then, coming undone, and Sam and Dean both come with you._

You take a deep breath and think about Sam and Cas kissing. That had been so hot, and you're getting turned on remembering it. But what had come next.... You look over at Cas and close your eyes, remembering… 

_Sam lays you down on your back in the dirt and you stretch yourself out and point your toes. Cas is on all fours, pushing between your legs as he climbs up over you, and you spread your legs, looking down. He's hard and thick, and you can feel how much he wants this, but he waits._

_He leans down and kisses you, parting your lips with his tongue. He explores your mouth slowly, and you feel your magick leap and pull towards him. He can feel it too, and he sucks in a breath when your magick touches his Grace, then falls back, trying so hard to reach him._

_You lightly bite his full bottom lip, and he pulls his face back and smiles at you._

_"Please Cas, I want you," you whimper into his mouth._

_He settles between your legs and pushes into you slowly. He's so thick, stretching you wider than any of them. Your magick had pushes at him teasingly, and he groans._

_"It feels so good when you do that," he says, his voice low and gravely.  
He's slipping in and out of you now, and you can feel what your body and your magic are doing to him. God, it feels good. _

_"I didn't do that, Cas, that was the magick."_

_He lowers his face down by your ear. "That magick is more you than anything else," he says, and you feel the connection then, you realize you can push the magick where you want._

_Then, Dean is there behind Cas, and pulling him back. Cas gets up on his knees, still inside you, pulling your legs up by his side. He looks directly down at you and Dean starts kissing his ear. Cas pulls back and slams into you hard, and you push your magick right at his groin. His eyes flash, bright white-blue, and you feel his Grace roll across your skin as he fans it out._

_Cas turns his head and seals his mouth to Dean's, both of them groaning, and you watch as Dean slides his hands around Cas' chest to pinch his nipples. You begin to feel last ring in your hand start heating up, and you pull Cas' hand toward you, sliding it onto his finger._

_Then you see Sam, his face had lowering down over you, taking your nipple is his mouth and sucking hard._

_You push your magick at Cas again, between your legs, and he gasps and pushes back with his Grace. You both blow apart, taking Sam and Dean with you, all four of you feeling such intense pleasure that you immediately collapse from exhaustion, sated and tired._


	9. Chapter 9

You look up and catch the faint light of day as it creeps in from the small windows high up on the walls of the cellar. You squint, the light actually hurting your eyes a little. As you look around at Dean, Sam, and Cas, still sleeping naked in the dirt, you realize just how much brighter _everything_ looks, and that the color you had been missing since your magick had first touched Cas' Grace, is back in full force. Their skin, so pale and muted last night, is varying shades of pink, and even the dirt floor looks more like dirt should look. Relief washes over you. 

You stand up and stretch, reaching your arms up and feeling your feet in the earth. You feel so much better, not tired, no threat of sleep pushing you into oblivion. You feel the vibration of power from the ground, and you bend down and flatten your hands into it. You feel clean, you should be covered in dirt, but you're not. You've never felt so strong, healthy, and sexy. Powerful. It's a new feeling, and it's intoxicating. 

Something doesn't feel quite right though. Not complete. You can feel each of the guys, and you're sure they can feel you, but there's a block of some sort. Something is off.

You hear Dean stir and look toward him. His eyes are barely open, but when he sees you they open wide. You're relieved to see those gorgeous green eyes in full color and you smile at him, standing up tall over him. 

Cas and Sam are waking up too, and they both stare at you, taking you in. 

"I take it you feel better?" Dean asks. 

"Yes," you say. 

You feel it from Sam first, longing. _Lust_. He wants you again, and you want him. Them. All of them.

"Holy shit Cas, what the hell. She can't go outside like that... She looks..." Dean looks at Cas.

"It's.... I know Dean. I think she has _glamour_. I never expected this." 

Cas looks amazed, Dean looks dumbfounded. 

Cas continues, "It was common in Elves, they could project themselves to be more perfect than they were, make themselves unbelievabley alluring to men. She's stronger than I anticipated, but she'll learn to control it." Cas says, both of them staring back at you.

"What?" You say, but what you feel from Sam is too strong, it distracts you. 

He's laying on his back, so hard you can tell it hurts, and when you look at him he wraps his hand around his cock, never taking his eyes off of you. You sit on your knees in beside him, taking his face in your hands, and kiss him. His free hand slides around your lower back, pulling you down against him, his other hand sliding up and down his dick. You pull your face back and look into his eyes, smiling. You know he wants you, he wants you _now_. But you want to play, tease him and feel it through your bond. 

You pull away from him and drop to your hands and knees, lining your mouth up to his cock. You take it in your hand and lightly lick the tip. You feel the light sensation, not on your body, more in your mind, but you know exactly what he felt. You smile up at him and he shivers. 

"I love my cock in your mouth. Put it in your mouth…please," he begs. 

_How can you say no to that?_

You slide the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, and he grunts. He likes that.  
You slide down as far as you can with your mouth, meeting your mouth with your hand and sliding them up together. You feel his balls twitch, he loves it. _This is fun._

You feel Dean's hands on your hips from behind you. Your ass is up in the air and you feel his thumbs spreading you open and his tongue searching until it hits your clit. He knows the second it does because he feels it through you. 

"Jesus," says Sam, he felt it too. 

You suck hard on the head of Sam's cock, swirling around it, and he fists his hands in your hair. 

You feel him pull a hand away and reach out to his side. You look to over and see Sam's big hand wrapping around Cas' dick. You moan around a mouthful of Sam and his head falls back to the floor.

You hear rain start to tick against the cellar windows, and a low roll of thunder off in the distance.

Dean's mouth is driving you crazy, all three of them can feel you, so turned on. They feel what Dean is doing to you, and Dean knows _exactly_ how to tease you this way. He flicks his tongue up and down your clit, fast and hard, and it makes you suck Sam even harder. Sam's so close now, and so are you. You can see his thighs quivering, he wants the release so bad but he's trying to hold it together. 

Dean pulls back for a second and then you feel his finger sliding into your ass, his mouth quickly sucking your clit. He's driving you crazy. He slowly slides a second finger in and you hear Cas suck in a breath. You shift your eyes and see Sam sliding his hand around the slick head of Cas' cock, it's wet with pre-come.

There's a bright flash of lightning and the rain picks up a little harder.

You run your hand and mouth up the length of Sam, sucking hard, and it's his turn to moan.   
The sound is too much for Dean, he rises up, skimming his hands up your sides. He gently pushes you forward so you're over Sam, and Dean guides you down, so Sam slides inside. You close your eyes, Sam has been teased until he's only holding on by a thread, so you hold still and wait. You lean down and kiss him. 

Seeing Sam inside you drives Dean crazy and you feel him moving up behind you. He spits on his hand and rubs it over his dick, and you feel him slowly press the tip of his cock into your ass. You stay still; your face down by Sam's, and you can tell Sam is holding his breath. Dean keeps pushing, slowly, sliding in, just your thin skin between him and Sam both inside you. You feel so full; you've never felt anything close to this. Dean pulls out slowly and slides back in, the sensation causing Sam to force out a breath. 

Dean starts a slow rhythm in your ass, Sam holding very still, just feeling. You couldn't move if you wanted to. 

"Oh God, Dean," Sam whispers, "That feels so good."

Dean pulls you up, pressing your back against his chest, so you're on your knees. Sam is still inside you, and Dean starts fucking you harder. Dean drags his mouth across your shoulder, runs his hands around to cup your tits. 

"I know, Sammy," he mumbles into your back, "I know... Are you okay, baby?"

"Yes," you whisper. 

The rain is beating against the windows, pooling on the outside. Lightning and thunder are almost simultaneous, and _loud_.

Your magick is moving, sluggishly around your skin. You understand now what will complete the ritual, and you can see when the realization hits Cas too. 

"Cas," you whimper towards him. 

"I know," Cas says, and he steps up in front of you, placing his feet on either side of Sam's body. 

You reach up and grab his shaft, guiding him into your mouth. He's so thick and wide, it stretches your mouth to get around it. You slide him in more, and you feel Dean's hands move from your tits, he wraps them around the back of Cas' thighs pulling him closer, pushing Cas down your throat. 

 

You feel a tingle in your ring finger, where the tattoo is, but you can't focus on it. You look up Cas' body and meet his eyes, you see them flash again, that bright whitish-blue, and his Grace rolls over your skin. His head falls back.

Suddenly, water bursts through a crack around one window, then another, and another. It streams down the walls and over the floor, pooling around you all. It's surprisingly warm, and it somehow feels right. It's supposed to be here, none of you question it. The dirt is turning to mud, and more water pours in, touching your skin. Your ringer finger is burning now, on fire, but only for a moment and then it's gone.

Your magick leaps up to meet Cas' Grace, swirling and twisting around the four of you. It's joyful, bouncing, and as it weaves its way around and through each of you, you feel it binding you together. You feel the bonds between you open up. Sam and Dean feel each other, they feel Cas, Cas feels them, it's like a dam breaking, and the emotions and sensations that surge out rush through you and into them all. 

It's too much, and they're all overwhelmed with it. You feel them all coming at once, and you can't help but come with them. Cas pumping and pouring down your throat, Dean filling your ass, Sam thrusting up and coming hard into your pussy. All of them moaning and grunting, you'd probably yell if Cas wasn't so far down your throat. 

Cas falls to his knees, straddling Sam and catching you as Dean falls back. Sam almost passes out, and you all stay this way for probably fifteen minutes. 

You can tell Sam and Dean are having trouble processing everything they're feeling. Dean finally sits up, and you and Cas move from over top of Sam so he can sit up as well. They're looking at each other, and then to you and Cas.

You remember your burning finger, and when you raise your hand to look at it, the tattoo is brighter, bolder, it looks fresh and new. Cas examines his own hand, the tattoo there circling his finger also. Sam and Dean do the same, both nodding at what they see. 

Dean lowers his head into his hands after a few minutes. "This is going to take some getting used to," he says. You know what he means. The emotions, the love, the physical sensations you feel through each other, the pull _toward_ one another is so strong. Overwhelming.

You feel Deans's strong urge to protect you, all of you, his family.

You feel Sam's urge to comfort you, and his brother, he wants to alleviate these overwhelming emotions. He thinks of everyone but himself.

You feel Cas, trying to understand, to process all this, so he can help you all learn to cope and manage it. 

"She can help buffer what you're feeling, and I can help her, but it will take time. For now I think we shouldn't plan to leave here in the next few weeks, a strong emotion from any of us could be crippling right now." Cas explains. "And I think we should all get some rest."

You stand up, stretching again. You don't think you'll ever need to sleep again, you feel so good, but you'd definitely like a soak in the tub, even though you don't feel dirty. You run your hands through your hair -- no tangles, which doesn't seem possible. You look down and there's no dirt or mud anywhere. _Amazing._

You spend the next month working harder than you have at anything in your life. Learning to control this new part of you is almost unfathomable. Cas is a patient and diligent teacher, and you gradually start to catch on. 

The first thing you learn is how to block off Sam and Dean from feeling what _you_ feel. That's not that difficult, you just imagine a wall in your mind, a barrier, and once you get used to it being there you almost forget about it. _Almost_. 

No matter how hard you try, though, you can't seem to raise a wall between you and Cas, it just won't form, and he tells you it's ok. He's used to feeling these things from people and he tunes it out like noise. You rarely feel anything from Cas himself, since he doesn't seem to be a very emotional being. There doesn't seem to be anything physical between you now, just a student/teacher type friendship. Very close and comforting.

Blocking your emotions from Sam and Dean is one thing, but stopping the flow of emotion _through_ you is a different story. It takes total concentration and practice, but when you manage to block it you can see the relief on Sam and Dean's face. 

Finally one day you're sitting quietly looking at your bedroom door and a metaphor clicks in your mind. _You're a doorway between them._ You don't necessarily absorb their emotion now, as much as you just feel it pass _through_ you. You imagine a doorway inside that flow, like Sam and Dean are two separate rooms and you're in the middle. You're the door, and you place your hand against it and click it shut. It won't stay closed on its own, you have to lean against it, but that doesn't take all your concentration. You just have to remember not to walk away from it, metaphorically. 

Sam and Dean are ecstatic when they realize you've figured out a solution, they might feel small amounts of emotion, what can bleed under and around the door, but nothing that would distract them from a hunt. 

They desperately want to get back to hunting. They start packing immediately, and you can't say you blame them. You're ready to get back to work, back to life, back to normal. They're out the door the next morning early, and you feel so much joy and excitement from them, they've missed this. You feel something from Cas then also. 

Pride.

He's proud of you.


	10. Prologue

_I’ve heard newborn babies wailin’ like a mournin’ dove_  
_And old men with broken teeth stranded without love_  
_Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?_  
_“Come in,” she said, “I’ll give you shelter from the storm”_

** 6 MONTHS LATER **

Sam and Dean have been gone almost a week. You miss them. You don't let them feel it, but you miss them. You feel them, you know they're safe, and you know they're both missing you. They both _want_ you. They're horny, basically. And so are you. 

You're alone in your bedroom; you might as well take care of it on your own. You don't know how much longer until they'll be home. You pull a vibrator out of your bedside table drawer and get comfortable in bed. After a few minutes you're really getting into it, and you hear the bedroom door open. You sit up, startled. Cas is standing there.

"Cas?" He walks toward you.

"I can feel this. I feel it _every time_ ," he says, his eyes flashing. Your magick leaps, it hasn't done that in a long time. 

"I'm sorry Cas, I didn't know. I thought... I didn't think it bothered you." 

He smiles. "It doesn't _bother_ me. But it causes…issues." 

He slips his trench coat off and throws it on the chair. You smile at him. 

"Oh, really? What kind of _issues_?" 

He knows you're teasing. He's out of his shirt and pants in a few seconds, the thick length of him pressing hard against his belly. He wraps his hand around it. 

"This kind," he answers.

He kisses you hard, his mouth open and greedy. He pushes you back onto the bed, his face is rough, and he kisses down your neck to your chest. Your magick is jumping and tickling on your skin where it meets him. It's caressing his face, his eyes flicker and glow as he feels it. He touches you with his Grace and you shiver. 

Your magick hasn't been like this since the ritual. It's strong, and happy. It wants Cas, which makes you want him too. He pushes his face between your legs.

"I've felt Dean do this to you a hundred times, I really want to try it."

His sandpaper cheeks rub your thighs and you spread them wider, he kisses up the outside, gentle.

You push your hands into his hair and pull his face toward you. His tongue slides up and rubs across your clit. You gasp and pull his hair. His mouth slides down and he shoves his tongue into you, fucking you with it. 

"Dean doesn't do that Cas, where did you learn it?" You whisper. 

"I've seen it in your mind," he says, sliding his tongue up again. _If he sees what's in your mind this could get interesting_ , you think. 

His tongue licks and flicks, he sucks and uses his Grace and you're begging him to fuck you in minutes. He doesn't let up. You come in his mouth, hard and long, sobbing out your release. 

He slides up your body then, his mouth landing on your nipple. Nibbling and pulling it into his mouth, back and forth. They're sensitive and you're wet and so turned on. 

"Please Cas." 

He looks at you, his eyes bright. He kisses you, putting his hand between your legs, and slides two fingers into you. God, you want him so much. He's driving you crazy. 

You push your magick up his arm and his mouth parts, shoving his tongue into yours. You keep pushing your magick, over his chest, across his nipples, twisting them gently. He sucks in air. 

You nudge it lower, down his stomach and his belly, until it wraps around his cock. He pulls his head back, now you're teasing him like he's teased you, and he can't take it. He pushes his cock between your legs and shoves it into you, hot and hard. 

"Fuck, Cas, fuck me." 

He's slamming into you, your magick and his Grace moving together, matching the rhythm. It's ecstasy. He lasts longer than you thought possible, he doesn't want it to end, you can feel that. Your magick and his Grace were moving up against each other, beside each other, but suddenly they _blend_ , moving into each other, and it's a feeling like nothing else. It feels like Heaven, or what you imagine Heaven to be. 

You feel Cas' hand around your throat, under your chin, and you open your eyes. He's looking into your eyes, holding your face there so you can't look away. 

"No," he says, "this is better than Heaven," and you both explode. 

After a few minutes you hear his phone ringing. He gets up and crosses the room, pulling it out of his coat pocket. 

"Dean," he says into the phone. You can hear Dean, he's yelling into his end. 

 

_"What the hell Cas? Huh? What are you thinking? Sam and I were at Denny's for Christ's sake!! We could feel that shit, Cas. All of it! We had to throw money on the table and run out! Sam spent twenty minutes in a cold shower and I've been dry humping the bed, pleading for you guys to stop! We're in the car now, and when we get back I'm going to kick your ass, you hear me?"_

Cas listens to this tirade calmly, patiently, and when Dean is done yelling Cas says, "Dean, I think you need to understand something. I can feel everything from her. And I do mean _everything_. So every time she's with you, or Sam, or both of you, I feel that. And I feel her when she's alone, wanting you. And I've felt this for months -- _months_ , Dean. And I haven't done anything about it, no matter how much I wanted to, because I was afraid she wouldn't be able to keep the door shut if her magick took over. But I couldn't do it anymore. I just...... I just couldn't today, Dean, and I'm sorry if that _inconvenienced_ you." 

The last two words are so snarky they could almost bite. 

Dean is quiet for a few moments and Cas lays down beside you on the bed. 

_"I..... I'm sorry Cas. I didn't know. I didn't know you felt all that, and quite honestly it's creeping me out a little_ ," he finally says.

Cas is looking at you.

"Where are you Dean?" He asks. 

_"We just turned onto the highway, we'll be there in about 3 hours."_

Cas smiles at you, "You might want to pull over, there's something Sam does that I keep thinking about. I want to try it with her." he says, his voice low.

_"What?! No Cas! You can't do that again, please!"_

Cas tosses the phone aside and leans over to kiss you, you hear Dean's muffled voice still on the line.

"Oh Sammy, I think we're fucked....."


End file.
